Tag Archive: intentions

InevitableGoal

Goal.

 

Defined as: purpose of an action 

Set your GOAL high!

Your goal aims you in the direction or purpose of your life. Shoot High! Dream Huge! Plan Big! Run Hard! Believe you can, believe you will. Your first and most critical objective, in successful goal planning, is to believe in what you are working toward. Have your success passionately set in your mind, spirit, and soul. Once there, the tactical steps will come to you authentically. Shoot High! Dream Huge! Plan Big! Live your life making a difference one goal at a time.

What step toward your GOAL will you take today?

InevitableGoal

 

communityService

Service.

communityService

Defined as: an act of helpful activity; the performance of any duties or work for another

Demonstrate a life of SERVICE.

Live a life serving others. Develop a life giving your very best. Enlarge your life to share your blessings and abundance. Some people make a career in the service industry. Others make a life, living to serve. Step into the understanding of need outside yourself. Reach beyond your circle to hear others cry out. Share your time, talent, and treasure. Share your mind, spirit, and strength. Live a life serving others. Develop a life giving your very best.

What action can you perform today in the heart of SERVICE?

 

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How to healthily love an addict

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You can love an addict.

The police were called; the loved one was taken away. The drugs and alcohol had one too many negative reactions. We see this scene on TV, we see this scene in our neighborhood, and some see this scene in their own home. The pain and anguish of losing a loved to an addiction can be devastating. However, a parent losing a child to a drunk driver, or a community losing hope in a hero addicted to prescription drugs affects more than the addict. The whole world suffers this loss. Addiction cheats.  Addiction destroys. Addiction kills. We can overcome this crisis; we need to band together and win. It starts, intersects, and ends with love. Love, tough love, demonstrates how deeply we care.

Can you really love an addict?  What does love look like when it starts to hurt too much?

Manage healthy boundaries. 12-step programs teach the addict and their support system to develop strong healthy boundaries. In doing so, we create the rules that will be accepted and used. Work with an expert to build the foundation you need.  Lean on a support system that will empower you. At first, maintaining healthy boundaries will feel unnatural, but as time moves forward these boundaries are what will bring accountability into view.

Preplan your plan. Within the chaos of loving an addict, it is critical to establish the actions we plan to pursue. Our well-practiced reactions no longer serve our loved one. It will be imperative that we preplan what new actions we intend to use. Our most loving gesture to an addict is to stand firm, strong, and true. Establish your plan; be ready with your actions, and know your future depends on you.

Love with a healthy heart. Loving an addict is not necessarily seen with hugs and roses. To love an addict is to support their well-being, engage in honest communication, and allow natural accountability. Enabling dangerous behavior is not a sign of love, nor is allowing poor choices, manipulation, or unhealthy practices to be a part of life. Teach your loved one that love is about commitment. Stay true to your need for healthy living. Stay true to what loves means to you.

How will you demonstrate real love to an addict today?

~LaChelle Williams, Certified Strength’s Coach
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LaChelle Williams is a certified life strengths coach, entrepreneur, team developer and mother of five boys. LaChelle encourages others to build, create and empower oneself to live to as your Essential Self.

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Housework is not your job!

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Read an excerpt from Think: Straight Talk For Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World by our featured author, Lisa Bloom. 

In the twenty-first century there are still commercials featuring women delightedly dancing around their bathrooms with their new soap-scum products, singing along with animated characters. In real life, we’d call these women deranged. Any magazine that tries to sell you on the idea that scrubbing toilets makes you burst into song or that trying a new mop is a blast, or that you’ll be giddy when you get your kids’ pants whiter than their friends’ clothing should be lit on fire and hurled into the street.

We are the first generation of girls that beat the boys in school so soundly that they need affirmative action to compete with us! Hello!

So how are we still swallowing the message that it is our job to polish and dust and vacuum? According to the U.S. Census Bureau, when both a working wife and a working husband come home from their full-time jobs — that’s jobs, plural — the wife does an average of one hour more of housework per day than the husband. And according to time-diary data from the federally funded Panel Study of Income Dynamics, when a single woman gets married, she shoulders an extra seven hours per week of housework while her new husband does an hour a week less than he did as a bachelor.(2)

This makes me want to hurt someone.

Why, oh why, is this still the case? There is only one explanation: because we women have deeply internalized the message from the days of pointy bras and thick girdles that housework is our job. Maybe the mindset came from your eternally dusting and sweeping mother, bless her. But she came from another era and didn’t know any better, so I forgive her. You, I don’t excuse. Have you watched nothing but Leave It to Beaver for the last forty years? Are you enjoying being a martyr? Because it’s not working for you.

I am here to deprogram you — because we are not passing this down to the next generation. It has got to stop with us. Your sons and daughters are watching you. You are not going to raise them to expect that men sit back and watch the game while the women scrub out bath rings.

Housework is not your job. It is not women’s work. Let’s call it what it is: repetitive, mind-numbing drudgery. Why should that job fall to the adult with the vagina? There is no logical reason whatsoever. None. If you really enjoy doing it, fine. If you have a spouse/partner who really enjoys doing it and does his/her fair share, fine. For the other 99.9 percent of us: You must look at it as not your job. This is an essential mindset. You don’t fix your own car. Why not? You could. You could learn. Most women don’t even change the oil in their cars. Why not? That’s an easy job, actually. We don’t because we don’t think of that as our job. We have to put housework in the same mental category.

It is a job, but it is not your job. Say it loud, say it proud. Many women change careers or jobs to get better, more “family friendly” hours. We’ll go through all that trouble and then come home and slave away like automatons. Why do we fight for better hours and working conditions from our employers but not from our families?

Look at it another way. Why do men in our culture still not do their fair share of housework? Because they don’t consider it to be their job. That’s why they don’t see the dirty socks and you do. Men finish college and then get their first low-paying job and their first dinky little apartment. What do they do right away to fire up that bachelor pad? They call to set up their utilities — check. Cable — check. Hire a housekeeper to come bimonthly — check. Why? (Recite it with me.) Because they do not see housework as their job. How many single ladies do this? Very few.

This is the mindset we need to adopt.

I am not talking about child care here, only cleaning. There’s a world of difference between time with the kids and time doing housework. Your kids will grow up fondly remembering the times you threw a ball with them, played Monopoly with them, and chatted around the dinner table with them. Your oven will not fondly remember any of the times you scoured it. The less time you spend doing housework, the more time you’ll have with your kids — or for yourself, to read, to dream, to strategize, to think.

Housework is a job that, ideally, you are going to farm out. That is more doable than you may think. And if you are so strapped that you can’t pay for a little help, then you are going to make sure that everyone in your home who sullies the kitchen and fouls the toilets shares that job equally. I know women who can easily afford a housekeeper but do all the housework themselves.

My friend Joni founded her own small business, a dance school, which grew by leaps and bounds to become the leading dance school in her state, with thousands of students and scores of recitals and performances every year. Her company earns several million dollars annually in revenue, enough to help pay for her beautiful large home as well as a lakefront vacation house. A working mom, she raised her son and daughter to be two of the loveliest people you could ever hope to know.

Joni always insisted on personally cleaning both homes herself. And they are spotless. And I am depressed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Joni sitting down. While her husband and kids kick back, watch movies, and catch up, she’s off tidying up somewhere, missing out. What happened here? She feels that maintaining her homes is her job, and anyway, housekeepers don’t do as good a job, she says. They don’t clean as well as she does. But guess what, Joni? You can train housekeepers. You can tell them how, exactly, you want the table dusted or the baseboards wiped, if that’s important to you. (In my case, I wouldn’t notice dust until it morphed into a troglodyte and started growling at me. But I understand other people have slightly more exacting housekeeping standards.) The housekeeper works for you. You can specify how you want everything, and she will do it your way.

Then there is my friend Susan, working mom of three school-age daughters who are rambunctious and sassy and cute as puppies. She is a leftist type who is uncomfortable with the idea of hiring someone to clean up after her family, though she too could afford it. But doing so would make her feel elitist. Hey Susan! What do you think happens when you leave your office at night? People come and clean, that’s what. Do you feel guilty about that? What’s the difference between a professional cleaning your office and a professional cleaning your home?

Susan is always strung out, sleep deprived, and dog tired. To my beloved pinko liberal friends: Don’t you want to help out a female small business owner? Because that’s what most house cleaners are. Don’t condescend. She is an independent contractor looking for accounts. Pay her a fair wage, give her referrals to your friends and a nice holiday bonus, and feel good about helping a sister grow her business.

Maybe you are like my friend Janice, a working mother of two toddlers who feels so financially strapped she doesn’t feel she can justify paying a housekeeper out of her tight budget. Yet Janice often comes home so bleary-eyed that she can’t face making dinner, so they eat out frequently. That’s the catch-22: The more wiped out you are, the more frequently you spend extra bucks at restaurants, and the less you feel you can afford help.

Look, you really only need someone to come and clean every two weeks. If you skip eating out two or three times a month, you can pay for it. Eat peanut butter and jelly now and then if necessary — the kids prefer that anyway — and relish that shiny kitchen floor that someone else mopped to perfection. In my case, I’d skip eating altogether twice a month if necessary to avoid doing my laundry, much less the reeking piles of teenaged boys’ socks. And don’t you dare clean before the housekeeper comes. Do you shave before a bikini wax?

In between housekeeper visits, of course, light housework will need to happen. Although I’ve considered it, you really can’t let dishes pile up for two weeks. When the baby throws up in the vestibule, you can’t always count on the dog to lap it up.

This is why you put your family on a schedule. You sit all the humans over age two around the table. Everyone contributes to the schedule, and everyone adheres to it. Children like clarity, men like charts with vertical and horizontal lines, and you like eight hours of sleep at night. When it’s all in print, everyone understands their part, the rooms and jobs they’re responsible for, and the fundamental fairness of not working Mom to weepy delirium.

The chart is important because traditionally male jobs, like taking out the trash and doing home repairs, take nanoseconds compared to the hours of daily drudgery that traditionally women’s chores like child care, grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning suck out of our lives. The chart makes this clear without having to nag about it. The chart rules. You and any other adults in the house then need only to enforce the chart.

Once they are walking and speaking in sentences (“Mommy, don’t!” is a complete sentence), children are old enough to clean up after themselves. If they can expand photos on an iPhone, they can do chores.

 Here’s how it went down in the Bloom household:
“Mom, can I go over to Hannah’s?”
“So your room is clean?”
“Uh . . .”

I go back to my book. Damn, but that Elizabeth Strout sure can write. What a pleasure it is to have my feet up on the coffee table, reading her short stories. Should I have a cup of tea? Well, I did have one about an hour ago . . . Half an hour passes, marked by muffled thumping sounds in the kid’s bedroom.

“Mom, can I go over to Hannah’s?”
“So you took the trash out and fed the dogs?”
Sound of garbage being pulled out of can, tied, taken out. Door slams.
Kibble plinking into metal bowls.
“Mom . . .”
“Hi honey! Sure, have fun! Call me when you get there!”

See how pleasant that was for Mom? And kids are not allowed to kvetch about chores because that does not add to Mommy’s bliss. And no whining or begging on your end. If they don’t do their job, they don’t get to have their fun. Here’s a great speech to have ready when they try that standard adolescent mope:

“I have to do everything around here.”
I smile. “Sit down, sweetheart.”
Kid gets nervous. Sits.

“Here was my day. Got up at five to go to work so I could support you. Took a quick shower, got dressed, without anyone telling me to. Brushed my teeth without being asked. Took out the trash. Made coffee, emptied dishwasher. Walked the dogs. Went to work. Went to your parent-teacher conference to learn that you’re not turning in all of your homework. [Dramatic pregnant pause, meaningful mom-stare into fidgeting kid's eyes.] Went to grocery store. Carried heavy bags of groceries all the way home by myself. Dragged them into the apartment and made us all a nice dinner. After dinner, went online and signed you up for summer camp and paid the deposit out of money I made working all day.”

“Boy, there isn’t room enough for all that on the chart, is there? Maybe we need a bigger one! Maybe we need to adjust everyone else’s chores to catch up to mine!”

“Now, what was that you said about having to do everything? Because you did what . . . one load of dishes?”

They will never, ever say it again.

~Lisa Bloom, Guest Writer

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Like what you just read? Join this community of women and add to the conversation. It’s free to join.

Lisa Bloom, author of Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World, is an award–winning journalist, legal analyst, trial attorney, and the daughter of renowned women’s rights attorney, Gloria Allred. A daily fixture on American television for the last decade, Bloom is currently the CBS News legal analyst, appearing frequently on The Early Show and CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, as well as the legal analyst for The Dr. Phil Show. Bloom appears regularly on CNN and HLN prime time shows such as Issues With Jane Velez–Mitchell, The Joy Behar Show, Anderson Cooper 360, and The Situation Room. She has been featured on Oprah, Nightline, Today, Good Morning America, Rachael Ray, and many more, and she was a nightly panelist on The Insider throughout 2010. From 2001–2009, Bloom hosted her own daily, live, national show on Court TV, and she has guest–hosted Larry King Live, The Early Show, and Showbiz Tonight. Bloom has written numerous popular and scholarly articles for the Los Angeles Times, Family Circle, the National Law Journal, CNN.com, the Daily Beast, and many more. She has also been profiled, featured, and quoted in hundreds of publications, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, Elle, Ladies’ Home Journal, and Variety.

Bloom graduated early and Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA, where she was national college debate champion, and then from the Yale Law School, where she won the moot court competition. She currently lives in Los Angeles where she runs her law firm, The Bloom Firm. TheWrap.com recently named Bloom one of the top five celebrity attorneys in Los Angeles.

For more information please visit http://think.tv/ and follow the author on Facebook and Twitter.

The above is an excerpt from the book Think: Straight Talk For Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed–Down World by Lisa Bloom. The above excerpt is a digitally scanned reproduction of text from print. Although this excerpt has been proofread, occasional errors may appear due to the scanning process. Please refer to the finished book for accuracy.

(2.) Ibid., xxi.

Copyright © 2011 Lisa Bloom, author of Think: Straight Talk For Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed–Down World

Risk

Fake it…. feel it…. be it!

RiskFaking it:

Have you ever faked it?  Now get your mind out of the gutter!

Seriously, have you ever pretended to know how to do something and been successful?

There  were times as a student coach I felt I needed to trust and act as if I was  confident with the process and my abilities. From my experience I gained the assuredness and  wisdom I needed for approaching the next situation I encountered and I strengthened  the belief that I am able to accomplish whatever I desire. The more risks you take and are successful the more likely you are to take more risks.

Energetically I am bringing the energy and my intention forward so my unconscious knows I am committed to my goal. Remember your conscious mind is like the captain of your ship and the unconscious is like the crew. The captain gives the order and the crew follows orders and makes the necessary adjustments and actions to bring the orders to fruition. You are bringing the energy forward to support your endeavor.

Feeling  It:

You may  choose to continue each day to confirm the direction you wish to go by using intentions visualization…see, feel, hear, taste and  smell how you will be acting or what you will be having making a dream board to glance at daily and re-activate the energy journal or draw(left hand)about feeling what it will be like to be or have what you desire taking a class related to your desire do some research on your topic join a group or speak to individuals who are knowledgable and or can support you in your new area of interest.(you will find yourself running into individuals who share your new interest…like attracts like…synchronicity can bring support)

Be It:

If you are aligned with your heart and your filters support you then  you will notice that a flow appears…opportunities arise to allow you to build your foundation and be successful in this new endeavor.Please take a risk, dare to be unique and defy conformity. If there is a dream you have make a few action steps for yourself to begin your journey. Stay enthusiastic, believe in yourself and take action…soon you will “be it.”

Once you reach your end of the journey you  can revel in it or begin manifesting your next dream. Listen yo your heart it is waiting for you to fake it, feel it, and be it!

NOTE:If you find you are not successful perhaps you have beliefs or values, emotions or decisions preventing you from realizing your dream,…consider healing them.

Love to hear what risks you have taken recently? Tell me below.

mary poppins

Discipline sets me free to fly

Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it’s a kind of order that sets me free to fly.”  -Julie Andrews

I have the above saying by Julie Andrews posted in my office. Discipline is something I struggle with, and I attribute these struggles to being creative in nature and often spread too thin. “Creativity” and “discipline” aren’t oxymorons by any means, but creativity does require some white space to let your mind ramble. And when I’m spread too thin, I often give up what I’m scheduled to do for what is most urgent. The problem with both these approaches is that without discipline, it feels like I’m trying to reach my goals the hard way.

Identifying your priority intentions

I was commiserating with my friend Chris this morning (she is in the final throes of getting her Ph.D.), and she added  this perspective: “My daughter, [who is now a young doctor] recently commented that our family often takes the path of most resistance.”  I can certainly identify with that.

When I’m able to get over my resistance to discipline, achieving my intentions gets easier. So this summer I’m undertaking an experiment. I’m going to routinize my priority intentions.  My top intentions are to finish a book I’m working on, improve the technology that supports my consulting business, and lose my winter weight (at least 10 pounds).

According to a psychology research site called PsyBlog, it takes over two months to create an enduring habit.  And of course, the harder the challenge, the harder it is to stick with the new habit (think doing 50 pushups each day versus drinking eight glasses of water per day).

A recent program on MPR radio touted rewards as a way to reinforce the behaviors we desire.  One of the guests on the MPR show mentioned Joe’s Goals, a free app that helped him lose 20 pounds. The app reinforces positive behaviors by tracking progress and allowing the user to publish their successes via social media.

Starting a summer routine

Personally, I’m going to start small with the “routinizing” of my intentions. I plan to exercise at least five times a week, and I’ve set up weekly walks with friends and golf outings to make this easier to accomplish. I’m working on my book three times a week early in the morning before my phone starts to ring and distracts me, and I’m devoting an hour or two each Friday to improving my business technology. I also purchased consulting support from the Apple store in Uptown Minneapolis to help keep me on track.

At the end of the summer, I’ll let you know how routinizing has worked, and whether or not Julie Andrews is right about discipline “setting me free.”

I’d like to know your thoughts about discipline and celebrating your accomplishments.

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Do You Believe Your Thoughts Are Energy?

Think about that…..you think positive thoughts and sometimes if you are like many people those darn negative ones pop in there occasionally too. At least I hope it’s occasionally! Thoughts when conveyed by converting them into language are actually how we create our reality.

Heavy stuff I know but once you are aware of this fact and use either affirmations or intentions you open yourself up to a whole new way of creating possibility in your life and  you can use this energy to propel yourself  into the life that you desire.

Affirmations are usually dissociated, meaning that you are externally looking in a mirror and telling yourself positive attributes. For example…“I  am smart “ or” I love myself”.

Intentions on the other hand are associated, internal and are usually written down or said to oneself consciously to let the unconscious mind (also called subconscious) manifest your desires. Your thoughts and your subsequent intentions are very powerful tools to allow you to create your reality.

The one important factor in manifesting what you want with intentions is that you must be congruent unconsciously and consciously in order to produce your desired outcome. In other words your beliefs, values, emotions, and decisions must be aligned with your desire. If you feel you may have issues you need to address in this area in order to create what you would like, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), is a wonderful practice to help you to be more aligned.

When creating intentions here are a few guidelines:

  • Say them once a day.
  • Use an “I am “ statement to begin your intention.
  • When using verbs use an “ing” form (having  instead of have to keep the desire moving forward).
  • Because the Universe will take the path of least resistance; using with ease and grace or ecologically at the end of your intentions is good form and may provide a more pleasant experience.
  • Always phrase the intention in the positive (I am peaceful and loving instead of I am having no fear). This is because the unconscious does not hear the negative…it hears I am having fear. Remember the last time you told your child  – ”Now don’t spill your milk.” What eventually happens at the table…he/she spills their milk.
  • More emotion or senses you can charge your intention with the better.
  • Make them reasonably short and concise.
  • Make them related to yourself…..you can wish and hope for others but do not make intentions for others.

So start simply and see what happens…try getting that great parking spot at work or eat healthier. They can be applied to all aspects of your life. Remember to be grateful and patient…Timing is everything.

Love to hear what you have created!

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