Even if you’re not a hoarder [loving the new season of Hoarding: Buried Alive BTW], our houses are filled with things we no longer (or never did) use. In this blog, I will discuss crafty ways to repurpose unused [useless?] items.

Wire hangers from the dry cleaner

These are by far my most favorite item to repurpose. I have two lamp shades that I made out of wire hangers. You just bend the wire into the desired shape and then cover it with your favorite high-quality paper. [Okay, it was a lot more time-consuming and annoying than I just implied. The paper has to be a heavy stock, but not too heavy that it won’t bend around the wire. Also, the wire tends to be unmanageable and wily—it will puncture you at random.]

I also like to hang these hangers in our guest room closet for overnight guests who may want to hang up an article of clothing. [It says, I’m “earth friendly”. Or maybe it says, “I am too cheap to buy you real hangers”?]

I think the most artful way to repurpose these wire hangers is to make Turd Tongs [Maybe I should look into a patent? Look for my infomercial soon!] Just hear me out. Unlike actual pooper scoopers, Turd Tongs don’t cost any money [we just established that I am cheap, did we not?] and won’t damage the few remaining precious blades of grass that your dog has not yet killed. Turd Tongs also work great for cleaning up small dead/rotting rodents, should you find one in your garage or basement. Just bend your hanger and you are ready to pick up anything mushy and gross.

Singleton socks

I have so many singleton socks in a pile waiting for their match to reappear. I am cautiously optimistic, but when I do lose all hope, sock puppets would be the obvious choice. A word of caution: sock puppets pose a social risk [for me, at least]. I find that whenever I my hand is shoved up an old sock with a drawn on googly face, I just want to want to grab people’s noses. I would never grab someone’s nose with my bare hand. But put a sock on in it, call it a cute puppet, and invading everyone’s personal space suddenly seems okay…even funny…even hilarious if the sock is stinky.

All the novelty pencils your children bring home

These pencils make great for kindling for the fireplace or fire pits. But I also like to tape them together to create a long, annoying, wake up, pokey stick*. Why shake and nudge your kids awake when you can poke at them unrelentingly with fun pencils. Check out my demonstrational video.

Compact discs

Of course, they are fun to throw in the fire, should you choose to build one with the previously mentioned pencils. But before you watch them melt, keep in mind, there are endless crafting ideas for CDs. The simplest idea, and my personal favorite, is to use them as Christmas tree decorations. They add a ton of glisten and sparkle to the tree [small children and fish are especially mesmerized by sparkle]. CD ornaments also provide a shiny reminder of how I dropped 20 bucks on each and every now useless [other than for the Christmas tree bling] one of them. In a few short years, I will be decorating our tree with SD cards and flash drives.

The jeans you purchased that never actually fit

Has this ever happened to you? There’s a really complimentary sales lady helping you; then you promise yourself that you will lose the 10 pounds; then you bring home the jeans that fit the body you wish you had, but not the one you are actually walking around in? The most exhilarating way to repurpose these jeans is to tear them into shreds and use them as packing material in your next care package. Or, just give them to your thinner friend.

*For safety’s sake, only use the eraser end for poking.