Perhaps if I had been more successful in my role as Coordinator of the Universe, I wouldn’t have given it up. But I wasn’t successful. So I changed my thinking. Before I changed my thinking, I believed that if I saw someone I loved – or even just knew – making a mistake in their life, I felt the need to let them know.
My book, Peace in the Puzzle: Becoming Your Intended Self describes how I intentionally transformed by making four changes in my life and the tools I used to do so. One of the changes I made was to let go of expectations of others.
Nudges from the universe
I believe that the universe provides each of us with what we need to become our intended selves, although sometimes these nudges are not what we expected. Difficult circumstances and the consequences of mistakes often are unpleasant but necessary nudges.
When I truly realized the “mistakes” I had made were important parts of my journey, I became committed to allowing others to make mistakes of their own. When I realized that no amount of wishing was going to change someone else’s behavior, I trusted the cooperative universe to step in for them.
When I learned to expect nothing and hope for everything, I delighted in another’s success and could commiserate with their failures without blame. When I realized that expectations are resentments in the making, I stopped having expectations.
Focus where it matters
I also realized that when I was focusing on what someone else should do, I wasn’t focusing on what I should do. I needed to write my book, and I couldn’t do that when I was so focused on what others should or could be doing with their lives.
I was better at this with friends than with family. I am confident I am better with both and better at catching myself than I used to be. Besides acting “as if,” I utilized the following affirmations:
- I follow the principle of “live and let live.”
- I have compassion and kindness for all.
- It is easy for me to allow others to move successfully though their journeys just as I move though mine.
- I trust my loved one has the same support of the cooperative universe that I do.
I am completely responsible for all my reactions to all people —this includes friends, family members and partners—places and things. To become my intended self, I needed to choose the reactions that supported my journey and allowed others to have their own.
How about you? Where are you with letting others in your life grow, too?