If you’re reading this, you may be looking for real answers. There are no real answers here. That being said, let’s move on to my astute observational skills.
Some big life changes suck [and continue to suck for most of your life and require thousands of dollars worth of therapy] and some big life changes are wonderful. And sometimes they start out “wonderful” and turn to “suck”…or vice versa.
Any which way, to gain some valuable insight on how to best deal with big life changes, I conducted my own irrefutable research. In a household survey, participants—ranging in age, gender and species—were asked to state up to 3 appropriate ways in which to deal with a big life change, such as moving to a new city; downgrading the Direct TV package from “Premier” to “Entertainment” [a loss of 145 channels]; or getting used to the feel of sitting on a new couch with higher density foam cushioning.
Results are as follows:
Appropriate ways to deal with big life changes*
|9-year-old male||7-year-old female||Dog (neutered)|
|• Pout||• Stay in room for 4 days||• Stare blankly|
|• Complain||• Be mad for the rest of your life||• Lay down|
|• Lock yourself in room||• Remain unresponsive|
*Margin of error: huge
Let’s just start with denial!
Much like my survey participants, my favorite part of any big life change is denial. There’s no time limit as to how long one spends in this initial period of change. You just deny until you are capable of moving forward. Of course, when I am in denial, I like to make it fun.
Fun ways to spend your time in denial*
• Glare angrily at anyone who spouts off clichés such as: look for the silver lining; tomorrow is a new day; keep on truckin’; the only thing constant in life is change; when life gives you lemons make lemonade; when one door closes another one opens.
• Imbibe in increased quantities of wine, beer, gin and tonics.
• Participate in a little frivolous spending on new shoes…or a trip to Mexico! Arriba!
• Make irrational decisions—adopt a puppy or ferret on impulse!
• Hyper-focus on something unrelated to the 800 pound gorilla/elephant/large beast in the room…like the fact that the neighbor hasn’t mowed their lawn in 10 days.
Other than getting that cheescake in the oven, I sure as hell don’t know. My area of focus and expertise is solely “denial”.
*You may want to consider keeping your lawyer, your Jenny Craig diet consultant, your financial advisor, and your AA sponsor in the loop.