Confidence is a belief in oneself and one’s own powers or abilities. In my observations, confidence is something we are born with, it is innate in our being. As I watch my 2 year old, I see that he has confidence in his powers and abilities – he can “do it himself.” He is assured that he can open the door by himself, climb the ladder by himself and cut up his own food. It is I as the parent that tells him he can’t and that he might hurt himself if he tries. Confidence can soon wan if a child is not mentored to believe in him or herself.
Starting to engage in activities outside of the box
As a child I was told to be careful about most things. I was not encouraged to try physical activities where you might get hurt or pushed to do anything that may be considered “out of the norm.” I learned that safe was the way to go and that letting others lead would keep me ultra safe.
As I became an adult, I wanted to be more confident in myself and do activities that were outside the box. Now, I am not sky diving (yet!) and for the most part I am still “safe,” but for me the activities that I know engage in feel out of the box for me. I have had to re-parent myself and build my own confidence.
Re-parent yourself
We all can harvest our own confidence by re-parenting ourselves. Try the three following:
1) Be positive. Speak to yourself in a positive manner and encourage yourself. Purposefully, give yourself an affirmation. Examples: “I am enough” or “I am loved” or “I can find a new job.”
2) Dress up. If we are looking good, we feel better about ourselves. Put on your make up, do your hair or just add your lipstick. When you look in the mirror before you head out the door, tell yourself – “looking good!”
3) Do one thing. Remember how our parents used to remind us to do our chores and we would procrastinate? Parent yourself and remind yourself to do just one thing today. Pretty soon your motivation will be very high because you are getting something accomplished. Examples: “Today I am going to make my doctor’s appointment” or “Today I am going to organize my junk drawer.”
All of the before mentioned tips are habits. Research has shown that it takes 28 days to form a new habit. If you stick to these tips for just 28 days, your new habits will form and you will have re-parented your self-confidence!
You can do it! Tell me about what you would like to do if you had confidence in yourself…….
Open your own business?
Work at a Master’s Degree?
Be in a relationship?
About Carrie Romsos
Great tips Carrie. I love the term “re-parent”. Though, I’m not sure what I want to do – maybe that’s my first step – finding the confidence to decide!
Jen,
Confidence to decide is a great first step! What have you always wanted to do? What would your “ideal” parent say? Something like – “go for it?”
Another great article and good reminders! If I had more confidence in myself I would promote myself more as a piano teacher and not feel so intimidated by the other piano teachers in the area who have so much more experience than I do.
But I’m learning…I also seek out people who are already confident in particular areas and draw on their insights, teachings, skills, or examples. You are one of those inspirational people in my life…thank you!